Growing up into doubt
Over the past year I’ve been observing my young daughter’s strong distaste of doubt. Curious, I briefly “interviewed” her about a range of playground/ classroom situations, asking how she would feel about having questions or doubts in each one of them. The result: doubt is definitely a “bad thing”, a signal she is more likely to make a mistake.
As a teenager I remember also being fearful of doubt. Back then, uncertainty – be that over exam results, friendships, or future – felt completely inescapable. Just as I mastered a particular skill or reached a milestone, a new level of challenge was in front of me.
One day my maths teacher was trying to help us cope with yet another form of advanced calculus. After a particularly difficult class, she compared learning to climbing a mountain: the higher you climb, the more you know – but also, the more you become aware of the vast plain of the unknown around you.
I’m not sure if my teacher was quoting from a book, or whether she should have taught poetry instead – but that image stuck with me since. At first, the realization that it is impossible, ever, to know everything was disappointing, and frankly unsettling. In my mind, the whole point of climbing a mountain of knowledge was to get to the top - not to see another peak appear! For most of my 20s gaining expertise was my source of power: I sought out evidence and double checked facts before I could feel confident to offer up a point of view. The mountain grew higher, and my focus was firmly on the solid ground underneath my feet.
As I faced more complex situations, I learnt that evidence is usually not available in time for the decision that has to be made, and that “facts” are most often merely a question of perspective. Through those experiences I formed a different relationship with doubt, appreciating it for the opportunity to reflect, question my own judgment and that of others, see the nuance and complexity. Now, “knowing” seems like a relatively easier state to achieve, while intentionally holding space for doubt – an act of courage.
Comparing my daughter’s and my own experiences made me wonder whether I can support her to form a healthier relationship with doubt, or that growing into doubt is simply part of growing up. And, how as a society, we have managed to put certainty on a pedestal, where most of the time life does not go as we plan.
